Start Of Stream

   Today I attacked my toes with a crampon in a fit of pique, and ended up climbing the North face of my own legs. Having negotiated the knees, I decided that the view would be better from my head, so I returned to my Cartesian Theatre. As i got in, I saw my reflection for an instant, then realised there was no mirror and I was looking out of the window. It was really strange!  Why would I see myself looking in my own window?  I must be going crazy. Crazier, actually...

   Quite a boring day ensued, with the possible exception of the arrival of five alien press-gang heavies who demanded to know why I had not shown up for my tour of duty on their intergalactic pirate ship. After a somewhat heated "discussion", the green stains of which I am still cleaning off the walls of my living room, we managed to use a process of elimination to establish that I had been drunk at the time, and in fact had agreed to be a pilot, having recently watched The Last Starfighter. The three of us had to laugh!  I managed to placate them by pointing out the uncanny resemblance to the first act of The Pirates Of Penzance, and I gave them a copy of my DVD, which was received with enthusiasm (though they insisted that I remove the anti-piracy warning or they would vaporise the Earth).

   The only thing I want to know is, what on Grootix am I supposed to do with the three bodies?  I suppose I could incinerate them without getting into too much trouble with the council. After all, they aren't human remains.